Saturday, October 15, 2011

I am toying with the idea of doing the open adoption interview project. I really want to get more into the swing of things, but I'm worried that if I commit, I won't be able to find the time that I need to do it.

Taking care of 2 kids and moving 500 miles is kicking my butt. Everything is getting done, and the kids are doing well, but I mostly walk around feeling like no one is getting everything they need from me. Everyone is getting short changed, it feels like, including myself. 90% of the time I remember to tell myself that it's temporary, Will is only 2 months old - we're still in the thick of it, that we'll find our groove, that everyone is ok. But sometimes, like last night, I feel like a big fat failure. I stood in the kitchen last night, walking a fussy baby and singing my standard Irish lullabies, and wept. Not out of exhaustion, or frustration, or want of anything to be different. I was just plain sad that I couldn't tuck Jeb into bed, that my husband is desperate for some attention, that Will's experience of being a newborn is so unlike Jeb's. I wish, that when I'm tending to one of them (Jeb, Will, or Bennett), that time would freeze for the other 2 and that way they all get more of my time. Ah, well, the balance will come.

I really need to post some pictures. Will is such a chunk, and Jeb is perfection. Overwhelm and crazy shit aside, life is good.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Quick Takes.

I don't have much time for, well, much, lately. But I hate that so much time is flying by without recording any memories.

1. Will is 8 weeks old. Holy shit. This newborn period went by so much faster than with Jeb. I must admit, I'm happy it's going by fast right now. Confession: I don't love the newborn thing. Sorry.

2. We moved to Virginia! We lived here, in this house, and then moved to Massachusetts, and have now moved back. It's a looooonnng story, but suffice to say, we are thrilled to be back.

3. I've gone running a few times since Will's birth. It feels amazing, and I really want to keep it up. I may run my first road race in almost a year in a few weeks. We'll see.

4. I don't have a job yet and I am LOVING it.

5. Jeb is adjusting really really well, but I still feel like I don't have enough minutes in the day to make sure I'm giving him enough of myself.

6. I have no idea how to balance 2 kids. There is no groove, no routine, no sense of the new "normal". Esp since we just moved 500 miles, and one kid was only 6 weeks old. Crazy.

7. We are going to State Fair tomorrow. Heaven.