38 weeks. No baby. Going to resist the urge to complain about late pregnancy in late July...
So, on to something totally unrelated, but that I've thought many times when coming to my little blog. I LOVE the posts by other moms with young children along the lines of "we've been too busy for me to update..." I love reading that people are enjoying their lives/children so much that the blog has collected some dust. It's happened here more than a few times, and it's just life. It's awesome.
Another totally unrelated topic? Today is the annual FIA picnic. It's the first time I haven't been there since 1998!!! I was going to try to make it, but regular daily life is difficult right now, and I made the decision to stay put. I'm really missing my first born, but I think we'll have a visit soon after this little one is born.
So, I think I'll go reminisce...
Showing posts with label totally awesome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label totally awesome. Show all posts
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
My Mother Voice
I've been surprised and a bit confused by how much I'm looking forward to birthing this baby. Then the other day I had a thought: this is the first pregnancy where I've not dreaded having the baby on some level. With Colin, birth = goodbye, so obviously I was not really looking forward to delivering. With Jeb, I was just plain terrified. I was terrified of being a mom, I was terrified that I wouldn't like it. This time? I am looking forward to all of it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just having amnesia, and if that's the case sobeit.
A few weeks ago, I was having some quiet time in my bed, and started talking to the baby. I heard myself talking, and I started weeping on the spot. I heard a mother's voice; I heard my Mother Voice. When I used to talk to Jeb pre-birth, I was akward and timid and unsure. This time? I knew what to say. I knew how to say it. I knew what the baby needed to hear. I could recognize the mama-love I was offering. I felt secure and calm and happy.
I used to think that having your first baby must be the most special, spiritual, and amazing experience. I am finding this pregnancy to be all of those things, so much more than my other 2. Every time I look at Jeb's face, I know exactly what I have to look forward to, and I have an internal "squee!". At least once a day I think to myself I GET TO DO THIS AGAIN!!! I get to do this again. What a beautiful, perfect thought. I love this baby in a way I couldn't love the boys when they were on the inside. I'm a mother now; I know how to love this baby better than I could before. I've been waiting for this baby my whole life.
I love you, baby. This family is so ready for you.
I love having a Mother Voice.
(ps. Is it wrong that I'm really really hoping that my being in such a great emotional space will encourage delivery before 42+1 weeks like Jeb went to? lol!)
A few weeks ago, I was having some quiet time in my bed, and started talking to the baby. I heard myself talking, and I started weeping on the spot. I heard a mother's voice; I heard my Mother Voice. When I used to talk to Jeb pre-birth, I was akward and timid and unsure. This time? I knew what to say. I knew how to say it. I knew what the baby needed to hear. I could recognize the mama-love I was offering. I felt secure and calm and happy.
I used to think that having your first baby must be the most special, spiritual, and amazing experience. I am finding this pregnancy to be all of those things, so much more than my other 2. Every time I look at Jeb's face, I know exactly what I have to look forward to, and I have an internal "squee!". At least once a day I think to myself I GET TO DO THIS AGAIN!!! I get to do this again. What a beautiful, perfect thought. I love this baby in a way I couldn't love the boys when they were on the inside. I'm a mother now; I know how to love this baby better than I could before. I've been waiting for this baby my whole life.
I love you, baby. This family is so ready for you.
I love having a Mother Voice.
(ps. Is it wrong that I'm really really hoping that my being in such a great emotional space will encourage delivery before 42+1 weeks like Jeb went to? lol!)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
At the same time...
At the same time...
... this pregnancy is physically the hardest, but emotionally the most wonderful.
... 10 weeks feels like an eternity, and not nearly enough time.
... I am struggling to stay patient with my 3 year old, and cherishing our days together.
... reveling in the sacred experience of growing a baby, and longing for it to be over.
... terrified of what life will look like with a newborn + a 3 year old, and completely relaxed and confident that we'll all figure it out.
... loving and adoring my family of 3, and cannot wait to become a family of 4.
... really really really looking forward to labor and birth, and can't believe I'm even saying those words having been through it haha!
Thank God my beloved therapist from my early 20s taught me that I can feel 2 opposite things at the same time :)
... this pregnancy is physically the hardest, but emotionally the most wonderful.
... 10 weeks feels like an eternity, and not nearly enough time.
... I am struggling to stay patient with my 3 year old, and cherishing our days together.
... reveling in the sacred experience of growing a baby, and longing for it to be over.
... terrified of what life will look like with a newborn + a 3 year old, and completely relaxed and confident that we'll all figure it out.
... loving and adoring my family of 3, and cannot wait to become a family of 4.
... really really really looking forward to labor and birth, and can't believe I'm even saying those words having been through it haha!
Thank God my beloved therapist from my early 20s taught me that I can feel 2 opposite things at the same time :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
The Best Rainy Day in History
We had a rainy day today. It was the first in months, literally. The weather this summer has been ah-may-zing, but I'll admit I kind of missed the occasional rainy day! (I feel like such an ingrate even uttering those words, haha!)
First of all, we slept until 830 because the sun wasn't out to wake the toddler up. We are usually up at 645, so you can all understand how glorious this felt!
Every Monday morning, we go to Story Time at our town library. (Our library is the BOMB.) Story Time entails: a story read aloud by Miss S, an art project, a snack, and independant reading/playing/puzzle time. It's awesome. Today was especially awesome because Bennett was able to come with us since rainy days are slow days in the landscape biz-- score! Jeb was so proud to show his daddy around the library :).
After story time, we came home and played a little, did some chores, and ate lunch together at the kitchen table. We'd gotten into the habit of having lunch at the coffee table while playing/watching cartoons, but a couple weeks ago I started making a more formal lunch for the 2 of us and eating at the table. I LOVE our new routine. We talk about our morning, laugh, and joke. Jeb is HUGE into "jokes" these days, where he'll say something like the cow says oink oink! and burst into hysterics. He'll even alert me and say "mama, I'm making a funny joke!" Or he'll point to something that is blue and tell me it's red, while giggleing his head off; it's so freaking fun.
After our lunch of talking and laughing, we went up to my bed to read books and take a nap. We read 6 books, I rubbed his back, and we listened to the rain and wind while cuddling under the covers and both fell asleep. Heaven. Pure heaven.
We woke up, had a snack and went to Target, with the sole purpose of having fun and killing time. Jeb loves to hang out in the toy aisles, the sports aisles, and the book aisles, so we did just that for >1 hour. (I love hanging out in Target for any reason, and haven't stepped foot in one for months, so I was loving every minute as well!) I spied the back-to-school supplies and bought our afternoon activity: 2 pair safety scissors, 2 glue sticks, 1 pack construction paper, 4 tubes of glitter, water color paints, and some extra brushes FOR 12 DOLLARS. :) :)
So, obviously, we came home and had Art Time for over an hour. We painted/cut/glued/and glittered pictures of umbrellas and rain (to keep with the theme of the day!), fire works, flags, random shapes/letters/numbers, and my fav? Jackie Paper and Puff. All while listening to kids music, and occasionally singing along. Does it get any better?
There was a pretty big meltdown when it was time to put our art supplies away, but we ended up having a nice dinner when daddy was done with work. We then read all of our new library books about 5 times each, had the requisite jumping-around-playing-ball/wrestling-get-out-the-rest-of-your-energy-time and watched some Jungle Book before bed time.
I wish I could say bedtime was smooth, but it never is. I'm choosing to focus on the awesome, and roll with the difficult.
Oh and? Jeb is a superstar with the potty. It's like he's been potty trained his whole life. I didn't even have to ask him today, he lets me know when he has to go and that's that. Crazy.
I wish I'd taken pictures, esp of our Art Time, but it really never occurs to me to get the camera. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy again, so I'll try to remember :)
What a day. This is what being a Mama is all about. :)
First of all, we slept until 830 because the sun wasn't out to wake the toddler up. We are usually up at 645, so you can all understand how glorious this felt!
Every Monday morning, we go to Story Time at our town library. (Our library is the BOMB.) Story Time entails: a story read aloud by Miss S, an art project, a snack, and independant reading/playing/puzzle time. It's awesome. Today was especially awesome because Bennett was able to come with us since rainy days are slow days in the landscape biz-- score! Jeb was so proud to show his daddy around the library :).
After story time, we came home and played a little, did some chores, and ate lunch together at the kitchen table. We'd gotten into the habit of having lunch at the coffee table while playing/watching cartoons, but a couple weeks ago I started making a more formal lunch for the 2 of us and eating at the table. I LOVE our new routine. We talk about our morning, laugh, and joke. Jeb is HUGE into "jokes" these days, where he'll say something like the cow says oink oink! and burst into hysterics. He'll even alert me and say "mama, I'm making a funny joke!" Or he'll point to something that is blue and tell me it's red, while giggleing his head off; it's so freaking fun.
After our lunch of talking and laughing, we went up to my bed to read books and take a nap. We read 6 books, I rubbed his back, and we listened to the rain and wind while cuddling under the covers and both fell asleep. Heaven. Pure heaven.
We woke up, had a snack and went to Target, with the sole purpose of having fun and killing time. Jeb loves to hang out in the toy aisles, the sports aisles, and the book aisles, so we did just that for >1 hour. (I love hanging out in Target for any reason, and haven't stepped foot in one for months, so I was loving every minute as well!) I spied the back-to-school supplies and bought our afternoon activity: 2 pair safety scissors, 2 glue sticks, 1 pack construction paper, 4 tubes of glitter, water color paints, and some extra brushes FOR 12 DOLLARS. :) :)
So, obviously, we came home and had Art Time for over an hour. We painted/cut/glued/and glittered pictures of umbrellas and rain (to keep with the theme of the day!), fire works, flags, random shapes/letters/numbers, and my fav? Jackie Paper and Puff. All while listening to kids music, and occasionally singing along. Does it get any better?
There was a pretty big meltdown when it was time to put our art supplies away, but we ended up having a nice dinner when daddy was done with work. We then read all of our new library books about 5 times each, had the requisite jumping-around-playing-ball/wrestling-get-out-the-rest-of-your-energy-time and watched some Jungle Book before bed time.
I wish I could say bedtime was smooth, but it never is. I'm choosing to focus on the awesome, and roll with the difficult.
Oh and? Jeb is a superstar with the potty. It's like he's been potty trained his whole life. I didn't even have to ask him today, he lets me know when he has to go and that's that. Crazy.
I wish I'd taken pictures, esp of our Art Time, but it really never occurs to me to get the camera. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy again, so I'll try to remember :)
What a day. This is what being a Mama is all about. :)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Bye Bye Diapers :)
Jeb is POTTY TRAINED!!!
Today (Sat) will be day 9 of Project Underwear.
This kid is a Rock Star, I tell you. He has taken to it like a pro. Days 1-4 I put him in underwear (except for nap and nighttime) and toileted him every hour. Each day he had 1 small accident in the late afternoon, but I thought that was pretty good. His night and nap diapers even remained 80% dry, he was able to make it to the toilet. By day 5, he was starting to tell me "Mama! I have to pee!". He wasn't loving it, per se, but he was successful. He would occasionally tell me "I don't like the potty", but he wasn't really fighting me. Days 6 and 7 were daycare days. He did well, but really just held it most of the day. He had zero accidents on days 5 and 6, and 1 on day 7. Day 8? It's like he's been doing this his whole life. I didn't have to prompt him ONCE. He just came to me each time and asked to pee. His nighttime and nap diapers were dry. He's gone in several public bathrooms with only 1 freak out (it was like, day 2, so I wasn't surprised). I bought him a nurf gun, which was a huge help in the motivation area; not just in the initial purchase, but he plays with it constantly, so everytime I wanted him to pee I would just say "no more shooting until we do pee pee" and that was it, he was pulling his undies down before I knew it!
I know we have totally lucked out in this potty training business. In fact? We have just lucked out all around. Jeb is such a good natured, sweet kid. He listens AMAZINGLY well, like I rarely have to repeat myself and he rarely resists. He just listens. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, this is one special little kid and if I loved him more I might explode.
Today (Sat) will be day 9 of Project Underwear.
This kid is a Rock Star, I tell you. He has taken to it like a pro. Days 1-4 I put him in underwear (except for nap and nighttime) and toileted him every hour. Each day he had 1 small accident in the late afternoon, but I thought that was pretty good. His night and nap diapers even remained 80% dry, he was able to make it to the toilet. By day 5, he was starting to tell me "Mama! I have to pee!". He wasn't loving it, per se, but he was successful. He would occasionally tell me "I don't like the potty", but he wasn't really fighting me. Days 6 and 7 were daycare days. He did well, but really just held it most of the day. He had zero accidents on days 5 and 6, and 1 on day 7. Day 8? It's like he's been doing this his whole life. I didn't have to prompt him ONCE. He just came to me each time and asked to pee. His nighttime and nap diapers were dry. He's gone in several public bathrooms with only 1 freak out (it was like, day 2, so I wasn't surprised). I bought him a nurf gun, which was a huge help in the motivation area; not just in the initial purchase, but he plays with it constantly, so everytime I wanted him to pee I would just say "no more shooting until we do pee pee" and that was it, he was pulling his undies down before I knew it!
I know we have totally lucked out in this potty training business. In fact? We have just lucked out all around. Jeb is such a good natured, sweet kid. He listens AMAZINGLY well, like I rarely have to repeat myself and he rarely resists. He just listens. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, this is one special little kid and if I loved him more I might explode.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Weekend with BOTH my boys :)
This weekend was the annual FIA picnic up in Vermont. We've all attended every year since 1998. Colin's birthdad and his 8 year old son went, too, so it was a very brotherly weekend. It was so fun, and so special. I can't even explain how nuts Jeb is for Colin. He talks about "my big brother" constantly, and Colin was so proud to introduce Jeb as his brother to anyone who would listen. Colin camped with us Saturday night, how cool is that? We have worked so hard, and boy
the rewards are well worth it.
Can you tell I'm beaming?
No words.
Boys love to look for stuff in the woods, apparently ;) Jeb followed him everywhere!
They had so much fun playing around in the tent!
I don't know why, but I thought this was a pretty cool image. My boys' shoes, so casually laying around together.
the rewards are well worth it.
Can you tell I'm beaming?
No words.
Boys love to look for stuff in the woods, apparently ;) Jeb followed him everywhere!
They had so much fun playing around in the tent!
I don't know why, but I thought this was a pretty cool image. My boys' shoes, so casually laying around together.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Summer Lovin'
I had high hopes for this summer, and boy, I've not been let down. This summer has been everything I wanted, and more.
It's my first summer not being pregnant or nursing since 2006 and I was really looking forward to wearing summer clothes without thinking about nursing bras or mammary exposure, ect. I hadn't worn a sun dress in years! I enjoy getting dressed literally every single day like never beofre!
Another very vain reason I am loving this summer, and loving getting dressed every day is that I've gotten into great shape. And enjoyed the process. In fact, I've enjoyed the process as much as I enjoy dressing the results. My body is certainly not what it was 10 or even 5 years ago, but I feel stronger than ever. Even though my tummy is not as flat as it once was, and my breasts show the signs of nursing for >2 years, I feel more confident in my body than I ever have. I love my body more than I ever have; I enjoy flirting with my husband, and trying to attract him every day. His reaction only reinforces that my attitude and my femininity are even more appealing than the smaller waist he fell in love with years ago.
Jeb's at such a great age, and his independence has given us a much higher level of freedom as a family. He no longer falls asleep on any car ride longer than 10 minutes, which means we can go on so many more family adventures without fear of messing with the nap schedule. He still naps, which is also still very convenient. We get to do stuff that delights and teaches him, which delights and teaches us as well.
Jeb also loves the occasional sleep over with Grandma or Gran or Aunt Jenny, which has allowed husband and I to go on some really fun dates. I can't even explain how awesome this has been. We both miss Jeb like crazy when we're away, but let's face it, it only helps to nurture a marriage. And Jeb has so much fun! And our family loves to take him for the night! It's win win win!
This has been the Summer of Mama and Jeb. The weather has been heaven sent. This has been the most gorgeous summer I can remember. We've gone on outings. To the park, the pool, the beach, the zoo. We've had dinner picnics in our yard. We've spent afternoons playing in the sprinkler and the sandbox. Jeb has gone days without really getting dressed, spending most of his time naked, or at the very most in a diaper. We've gone to story time at the library every Monday morning and brought home Jeb's art to hang on the fridge each week. We've taken walks, picked up sticks, and sang 'We Can Fly!' from Peter Pan while running around the yard more times than I can count. We've blown bubbles and covered the patio with sidewalk chalk over and over. We've sat out in the cool evening air with Popsicles dripping down our wrists, talking about what an awesome summer day we had. We've taken more naps together than I can count, each of us as naked as possible, with the ceiling fan humming and a light sheet draped over our cuddling bodies. We've picked strawberries, trying our best not to sample too many before we paid for our lot, giggling all the while. We've taken days "off" and hunkered down in the AC for a whole lot of nothing: no errands, no heat, no cleaning, no business, LOTS of cuddles. It's been a summer to remember, for sure.
And it's only half over.
I've also worked a lot, stressed a lot, and cleaned not as much as I should have. But I know that my memory with be of the highlights, and there have been many.
I'm hoping to add to our family some time next year, and I'm acutely aware of the luxuries of time, space, and body that I may soon forfeit for 2-3 years while I grow and nurse the next member. I'm simultaneously enjoying my freedoms and looking forward to giving them up. It's the exact assignment I gave myself for the summer: enjoy Jeb, enjoy Bennett, enjoy time and sleep and running, look forward to another baby.
I can't wait to love the 2nd half of this summer as much as I've loved the 1st half.
It's my first summer not being pregnant or nursing since 2006 and I was really looking forward to wearing summer clothes without thinking about nursing bras or mammary exposure, ect. I hadn't worn a sun dress in years! I enjoy getting dressed literally every single day like never beofre!
Another very vain reason I am loving this summer, and loving getting dressed every day is that I've gotten into great shape. And enjoyed the process. In fact, I've enjoyed the process as much as I enjoy dressing the results. My body is certainly not what it was 10 or even 5 years ago, but I feel stronger than ever. Even though my tummy is not as flat as it once was, and my breasts show the signs of nursing for >2 years, I feel more confident in my body than I ever have. I love my body more than I ever have; I enjoy flirting with my husband, and trying to attract him every day. His reaction only reinforces that my attitude and my femininity are even more appealing than the smaller waist he fell in love with years ago.
Jeb's at such a great age, and his independence has given us a much higher level of freedom as a family. He no longer falls asleep on any car ride longer than 10 minutes, which means we can go on so many more family adventures without fear of messing with the nap schedule. He still naps, which is also still very convenient. We get to do stuff that delights and teaches him, which delights and teaches us as well.
Jeb also loves the occasional sleep over with Grandma or Gran or Aunt Jenny, which has allowed husband and I to go on some really fun dates. I can't even explain how awesome this has been. We both miss Jeb like crazy when we're away, but let's face it, it only helps to nurture a marriage. And Jeb has so much fun! And our family loves to take him for the night! It's win win win!
This has been the Summer of Mama and Jeb. The weather has been heaven sent. This has been the most gorgeous summer I can remember. We've gone on outings. To the park, the pool, the beach, the zoo. We've had dinner picnics in our yard. We've spent afternoons playing in the sprinkler and the sandbox. Jeb has gone days without really getting dressed, spending most of his time naked, or at the very most in a diaper. We've gone to story time at the library every Monday morning and brought home Jeb's art to hang on the fridge each week. We've taken walks, picked up sticks, and sang 'We Can Fly!' from Peter Pan while running around the yard more times than I can count. We've blown bubbles and covered the patio with sidewalk chalk over and over. We've sat out in the cool evening air with Popsicles dripping down our wrists, talking about what an awesome summer day we had. We've taken more naps together than I can count, each of us as naked as possible, with the ceiling fan humming and a light sheet draped over our cuddling bodies. We've picked strawberries, trying our best not to sample too many before we paid for our lot, giggling all the while. We've taken days "off" and hunkered down in the AC for a whole lot of nothing: no errands, no heat, no cleaning, no business, LOTS of cuddles. It's been a summer to remember, for sure.
And it's only half over.
I've also worked a lot, stressed a lot, and cleaned not as much as I should have. But I know that my memory with be of the highlights, and there have been many.
I'm hoping to add to our family some time next year, and I'm acutely aware of the luxuries of time, space, and body that I may soon forfeit for 2-3 years while I grow and nurse the next member. I'm simultaneously enjoying my freedoms and looking forward to giving them up. It's the exact assignment I gave myself for the summer: enjoy Jeb, enjoy Bennett, enjoy time and sleep and running, look forward to another baby.
I can't wait to love the 2nd half of this summer as much as I've loved the 1st half.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Flip Side
The experience of parenting is an exercise in living in the "extremes". It is extremely awesome, difficult, exhausting, rewarding, joyous, confusing, younameit.
This week was a perfect example. It was a h a r d week. But it was also a terrific week.
The weather broke, need I say more?
We took family walks, at Jeb-Speed, which is to say we picked up rocks and sticks and pointed out every hydrant/basketball hoop/flag/bird/plane. They were the exact walks that you fantasize about before you have kids.
We had spontaneous baking sessions. We also had spontaneous cookie-eating sessions.
Jeb and I took naps together in mama's bed with the windows open. The breeze was just cool enough that a sheet and some cuddling felt divine.
My friend came over for a play date with her 1 year old and 3 year old. There was a virtual hurricane in my house for 4 straight hours. The kids belly laughed and played and jumped and tumbled. The mamas sipped coffee and enjoyed broken conversation --- pausing often to holler "stop that!" or kiss a boo boo or offer a snack or pick up most of said snack off the floor.
Bennett, Jeb and I had a dance party in the kitchen listening to Johnny Cash. (I know dance parties and Johnny Cash don't often go together, but hey, that's us.)
There are so many other moments that were just regular, but fabulously so.
Life is good.
This week was a perfect example. It was a h a r d week. But it was also a terrific week.
The weather broke, need I say more?
We took family walks, at Jeb-Speed, which is to say we picked up rocks and sticks and pointed out every hydrant/basketball hoop/flag/bird/plane. They were the exact walks that you fantasize about before you have kids.
We had spontaneous baking sessions. We also had spontaneous cookie-eating sessions.
Jeb and I took naps together in mama's bed with the windows open. The breeze was just cool enough that a sheet and some cuddling felt divine.
My friend came over for a play date with her 1 year old and 3 year old. There was a virtual hurricane in my house for 4 straight hours. The kids belly laughed and played and jumped and tumbled. The mamas sipped coffee and enjoyed broken conversation --- pausing often to holler "stop that!" or kiss a boo boo or offer a snack or pick up most of said snack off the floor.
Bennett, Jeb and I had a dance party in the kitchen listening to Johnny Cash. (I know dance parties and Johnny Cash don't often go together, but hey, that's us.)
There are so many other moments that were just regular, but fabulously so.
Life is good.
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