Saturday, July 30, 2011

Due Date

Due today. No baby. Colin was the only baby of mine who was not "late".

I am desperate to give birth.

That's all I have to say right now.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

tiny little check in

38 weeks. No baby. Going to resist the urge to complain about late pregnancy in late July...

So, on to something totally unrelated, but that I've thought many times when coming to my little blog. I LOVE the posts by other moms with young children along the lines of "we've been too busy for me to update..." I love reading that people are enjoying their lives/children so much that the blog has collected some dust. It's happened here more than a few times, and it's just life. It's awesome.

Another totally unrelated topic? Today is the annual FIA picnic. It's the first time I haven't been there since 1998!!! I was going to try to make it, but regular daily life is difficult right now, and I made the decision to stay put. I'm really missing my first born, but I think we'll have a visit soon after this little one is born.

So, I think I'll go reminisce...

Friday, July 8, 2011

One More Shift

Tomorrow is my last shift at work. I could do jumping jacks. I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow. I was originally going to work up until my due date, like I did with Jeb, but somewhere around 30 weeks I made the decision to go out at 37 weeks. Physically, this pregnancy is so much harder than my last 2. I think taking care of Jeb and working nights has a lot to do with it. When I was pregnant with Jeb, I slept whenever I wanted. I was starting to get scared that I'd go into labor after a night shift, having been awake for 24 hours already. NO THANK YOU!! I want better for me and this baby. I want to start mother him/her feeling good and rested, not exhausted and in pain from work. Also, these are my last days/weeks of just me and my Jeb. (tears)

I want to cherish these last days of just the two of us.

I want to start mothering this baby feeling rested and ready.

I want to spend these last quiet evenings talking with my husband, not my co-workers.

These might be my last days of pregnancy, ever. I want to savor the sacredness of it.

I want to listen to my body, and it's telling me to slow down.

Monday, July 4, 2011

These Are The Days

I've had this thought drift through my brain almost daily for the last several months "... these are the days...", and then I get the Cranberries' song stuck in my head ;)

My Grandfather died 2 weeks ago, and we had to up and fly to Michigan for 5 days. I was 34 weeks pregnant, flying (with delays and complications) with a 3 year old and all the fun that entails. I had to see my father from whom I've been estranged for years and years. It was loaded and draining, to say the least.

I'm miserably pregnant at this point. I'm sick of hearing myself talk about heartburn and insomnia. I'm withdrawing from friends and family because, well, I'm sick of hearing myself complain. I'm ready for this birth, but know there could still be weeks left of pregnancy, and I'm still a little terrified of the reality of 2 kids.

Bennett is in a state of career crisis, and about to make YET ANOTHER gigantic shift, which has the potential to cause some major upheaval in our lives. So there's that.

And still? This song keeps popping up in my head. These are the days, to remember...

I am having the time of my life. These are the best days of my life, the days I'll miss. I love them. I love the day to day routine of raising a family. I hear my aunts, and "older" women whose kids are grown talk about the days when their kids were young, and how much they miss those times. This season of life is intense, for sure, and it's only going to get more intense in the near future. Some days I lose my cool, and longingly think back to B's and my carefree, child free Fun Days, but I truly enjoy my life more now than I did then. I'd like to live ONE of those days every now and again, but I'd already love to go back and live these three and a half YEARS over again.

Late pregnancy is a tough place to be. I'm big, hot, tired, heartburn-y, short on patience, ready but scared, and uncomfortable. But it is thrilling and amazing, too.

Life is sometimes messy, and nothing ever seems to line up into some semblance of "normal and predictable"... but whatever. These are the days, and I'm really loving them.

... and with that? My son wakes and calls for his mama. I'm it, I'm the only one who'll do right now. And quite frankly, I think that's pretty awesome right now.