Pretty Boring

The boys are both asleep, and I should be too, but the quiet and stillness of the house is too much to resist.

So, I blog.

I'm closing in on 1 year of blogging (!), and I've so enjoyed looking back on my own "recordings". I love reading old posts, and remembering. I love that adoption issues are certainly present in my posts, but not dominant. I feel like I've integrated my experience as a birthmom into my life, and I think the blog definitely reflects that it is Just One Hat.

So, in that vein, here are some average, boring, glimpses into life this week:

Husband's business is doing well, but he is overwhelmed and stressed with figuring out the "plan" to execute the snow removal contracts he has for this winter. We had sleet/rain/snow/slush last night, which left him frantic today. It will all come together, but these are tough days for him. I try to be supportive and positive, but there is so much of the business I don't understand, so I wind up giving very cliche, very lame "advice". I couldn't be LESS stressed about it, because no matter what? It won't be as bad as last year, aka his FIRST year.

My job is lame. I don't hate it, because it's easy and at this point in my life I'm not looking for a challenge when it comes to my work. What I hate is the schedule. And I have a pretty decent schedule! I hate being stretched so thin. I hate taking anything away from my household. I sometimes joke to husband that gender equality is oppressive! I should really shut up, because my job has allowed us to start husband's business, and I'm lucky enough to have a job, BUT BUT BUT being a working mom is fucking hard.

Jeb is fantastic. He is doing exactly what an almost-3-year-old should be doing. He's wearing me the fuck out. He is calling my bluff right and left and it's both amazingly frustrating and amazingly hilarious. This age is more challenging than any, so far. I've had to be more firm with him than ever, and the phrase "pick your battles" has been whispered from my lips more than ever before. Most days he's in his jammies until 2pm because getting dressed is a complete THROW DOWN. Just like getting in his car seat. And out of his car seat. And eating lunch instead of Halloween candy. And going to bed. And coming up from the basement after we switch the laundry. And not coloring on the walls. And not jumping on my head. Or dumping a bowl of scrambled eggs on the carpet. And NOT playing with my phone, or daddy's phone, or the computer, or a sharp knife, or ... or... or..... and... and ... and....... Thankfully I have the perspective that this is a very appropriate developmental stage, and that at some point my easy going, cooperative, pleasant son will return. It will happen, right?

TTC is not nearly as fun as I'd imagined. I've looked forward to it for so long, but? It's kind of a pain in the ass. I'm in my first cycle actually trying, ever, and well? I was so distracted during our, um, attempts. I was so preoccupied with thoughts of TTC that I forgot to feel close, kwim? Rainbows didn't shoot out of our asses, or anything! Like anything, I guess, reality is different from the fantasy. I'm only 2 dpo, and I'm already looking forward to not-trying-to-make-a-baby-sex. It's way more fun. I'm trying not to obsess, and truthfully, if I'm not pregnant this cycle I'll be disappointed but not wrecked. Next month? I'll likely be wrecked. I've always been sensitive about TTC struggles ( I hope), having been in the adoption community for so long, but I now have a little bit (a teeny tiny very little bit) more understanding? (That's not the right word, and I don't know what is.) Anyhow, I hate that anyone has had to go through this for months and years.

I need to call Colin. I don't call him as often as I should. I think about him all the time, but life gets in the way, and I don't call. It's a bad excuse, but it's all I've got.


I suppose that's all for an average Monday night :) I know I'll enjoy looking back 6 or 12 or 18 months from now :)

Summer Lovin'

I had high hopes for this summer, and boy, I've not been let down. This summer has been everything I wanted, and more.


It's my first summer not being pregnant or nursing since 2006 and I was really looking forward to wearing summer clothes without thinking about nursing bras or mammary exposure, ect. I hadn't worn a sun dress in years! I enjoy getting dressed literally every single day like never beofre!

Another very vain reason I am loving this summer, and loving getting dressed every day is that I've gotten into great shape. And enjoyed the process. In fact, I've enjoyed the process as much as I enjoy dressing the results. My body is certainly not what it was 10 or even 5 years ago, but I feel stronger than ever. Even though my tummy is not as flat as it once was, and my breasts show the signs of nursing for >2 years, I feel more confident in my body than I ever have. I love my body more than I ever have; I enjoy flirting with my husband, and trying to attract him every day. His reaction only reinforces that my attitude and my femininity are even more appealing than the smaller waist he fell in love with years ago.


Jeb's at such a great age, and his independence has given us a much higher level of freedom as a family. He no longer falls asleep on any car ride longer than 10 minutes, which means we can go on so many more family adventures without fear of messing with the nap schedule. He still naps, which is also still very convenient. We get to do stuff that delights and teaches him, which delights and teaches us as well.

Jeb also loves the occasional sleep over with Grandma or Gran or Aunt Jenny, which has allowed husband and I to go on some really fun dates. I can't even explain how awesome this has been. We both miss Jeb like crazy when we're away, but let's face it, it only helps to nurture a marriage. And Jeb has so much fun! And our family loves to take him for the night! It's win win win!

This has been the Summer of Mama and Jeb. The weather has been heaven sent. This has been the most gorgeous summer I can remember. We've gone on outings. To the park, the pool, the beach, the zoo. We've had dinner picnics in our yard. We've spent afternoons playing in the sprinkler and the sandbox. Jeb has gone days without really getting dressed, spending most of his time naked, or at the very most in a diaper. We've gone to story time at the library every Monday morning and brought home Jeb's art to hang on the fridge each week. We've taken walks, picked up sticks, and sang 'We Can Fly!' from Peter Pan while running around the yard more times than I can count. We've blown bubbles and covered the patio with sidewalk chalk over and over. We've sat out in the cool evening air with Popsicles dripping down our wrists, talking about what an awesome summer day we had. We've taken more naps together than I can count, each of us as naked as possible, with the ceiling fan humming and a light sheet draped over our cuddling bodies. We've picked strawberries, trying our best not to sample too many before we paid for our lot, giggling all the while. We've taken days "off" and hunkered down in the AC for a whole lot of nothing: no errands, no heat, no cleaning, no business, LOTS of cuddles. It's been a summer to remember, for sure.

And it's only half over.

I've also worked a lot, stressed a lot, and cleaned not as much as I should have. But I know that my memory with be of the highlights, and there have been many.

I'm hoping to add to our family some time next year, and I'm acutely aware of the luxuries of time, space, and body that I may soon forfeit for 2-3 years while I grow and nurse the next member. I'm simultaneously enjoying my freedoms and looking forward to giving them up. It's the exact assignment I gave myself for the summer: enjoy Jeb, enjoy Bennett, enjoy time and sleep and running, look forward to another baby.

I can't wait to love the 2nd half of this summer as much as I've loved the 1st half.

Father's Day :)

I am so excited for Father's Day this year. I think I enjoy Father's Day even more than I enjoy Mother's Day. I love celebrating B even more than I love being celebrated. He is such a fantastic father, it makes me tear up to think about it.

My father was/is not very good. He's got some issues that prevent him from being a very good dad. That is my non-angry way of explaining it. We haven't had a relationship in years. (How cliche: birthmom had shitty dad and then slept around looking for approval from men. Pretty textbook, eh?) For years Father's Day made me kind of sad. I wanted the kind of dad who deserved being celebrated. I wanted all that father-daughter-y shit.

I was 18 weeks pregnant for B's "first" Father's Day. In my mind, I had all kinds of ideas about how different Father's Days would be from then on. Well, B chose to go away for a "guys weekend". I flipped. It was a major communication snafu, and throw in some pregnancy hormones? It wasn't pretty. The last 2 Father's Days have been much better, and much less dramatic ;)

I feel like one of the best things I've done for Jeb is to give him a good father. It was one of the big reasons I placed Colin; his birthdad and I were never going to create a stable home together. I sometimes get jealous of people who have awesome dads, and ensuring my kids have one has been really healing on that front. You know that whole notion about wanting your kids to have more/better than you did? Well, for me, that means giving my kids a good dad. And I have. And I'm really proud of him, but also of myself for that.

So, this weekend, I have a couple of surprises in store for B, and I can't wait! Jeb is going on a sleep over at my mother-in-law's on Sat night. This will be his first sleep over at her house (he's done a couple at my mom's) and they are both so excited they can't see straight. I made dinner reservations at B's fav seafood restaurant, and then we're going for drinks at a dock-side bar on the water in our city. I have a cute sun dress all picked out, and the forecast looks terrific. I got him a great new Hawaiian shirt (he's mental for them), and am taking him to get a set of (used) golf clubs. He's been wanting a set of his own. Sunday will be a lazy family day.... perfection.

First Award!

I don't even know how to get the Beautiful Blogger icon over here *blushes*, but I'd like to thank Denver Jen for nominating me:)



Since I don't have too many followers, I'll just do the "7 things". I really like reading other peoples' "7 things"!

1. My husband and I met when we were 12, in 7th grade homeroom. It's a really great love story, I'll have to tell it sometime.

2. I'm an ICU nurse, but it's really just a paycheck. I don't mind coming to work, per se, and I think I'm good at it, but it doesn't really inspire me. I believe I am destined to be a midwife, but finding the time for grad school feels impossible.

3. I hate unloading the dishwasher so much, sometimes I wash the dirty dishes in the sink if the dishwasher is full of clean ones so that I don't have to put them away.

4. I make my bed everyday, even if it's 7pm. Making my bed gives me a sense that everything is under control, even if the rest of the house is taken over by toys and clothes.

5. I've lived in 7 states, and 1 Canadian province. From 6th grade until my freshman year in college, I was in a different house (or apt) each year for Christmas. It sucked.

6. I had a natural birth with Jeb, and CANNOT wait to do it again. In fact, I look forward to birth more than a baby right now, which is a pretty good reason to wait to TTC ;)

7. My favorite movie of all time is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Wordless Wednesday

2009 Blizzard is what They are calling it.

What a weekend. I worked Friday night, and came home Saturday morning to sleep from 0830-1230 (sad face). Bennett and I went to do Jeb's Christmas shopping while Grandma babysat. It was supposed to be a deliciously leisure Sunday afternoon date, but the blizzard was threatening. Husband started a business last Spring: commercial landscape / commercial snow removal, so obviously the Sunday afternoon date was impossible. BTW, shopping for the Small One who kind of gets Santa = so so so much FUN! We had a blast!!

And then Husband left to prepare for the snow, at 3pm. He got home today at 2pm. Twenty-three freaking hours later. It was his first snow fall as a professional-snow-removal-guy :/

The single parenting for 24+ hours was nothing compared to the anxiety of having Husband out in blizzard conditions. I was worried about his physical safety, his anxiety about performing for clients, his absolute fatigue, and, and, and..... I was a wreck. He encountered faulty equipment, lying salt providers, and snow that just.would.not.stop. I was his Ground Control, and helped him out of several jams with my go.ogle abilities. It was hair-raising at times, to say the least. I stayed up way too late, and fed my worry with a little too much wine.

By this morning I was a ball of nervous energy, and decided to bundle up Jeb and myself to go out and at least shovel the stairs and breathe some fresh air. After 25 minutes of dressing the two of us, we went outside, and after approximately 5 minutes, Jeb looked at me and declared "DONE!". We were out just long enough for our clothes to get snowy enough so as to make a nice puddle inside the front door. I put on Elmo and went back out (way too much TV this weekend-- crown me Mother of the Year) because I needed to do SOMETHING instead of refresh the weather channel website and worry about Husband. So, my Virginia-born son hates the snow. His Florida-born mama feels the same.

In the end: Husband is safe but tired. Customers are happy. Small One is doped up on Elmo, but no worse for the wear. Mama is s p e n t, but happy to have the whole family under one roof tonight.


What 19 inches looks like on my back patio:

Unabashed Bragging on the Husband

This picture is a couple of months old, but it is my fav of my boys.

I am so blessed to have my husband. I have known him for over 17 years. When we were 13 he told me he wanted to marry me. We spent our teen years as best best friends, but then went separate ways for college. We got back together 6 years ago, and my life with him is better than I ever could have hoped for.

He is a Man. He is strong, and calm, and capable. He has more integrity in his pinkie finger than many people have in their whole body. He is honest, and diplomatic, and hysterical. We laugh constantly. He loves me with a depth I barely understand. My happiness is his first priority; he shows it daily in countless ways. He calls me on his lunch break to tell me he misses me. I am head over heals in love with him; his strong arms are my Safe Place.

He is an amazing father. He is always on the floor, playing with J and reading him books. He puts him to bed every single night. When I am at work, they do the laundry together. He knows just as much as I do about vaccines, and breastfeeding, and what to do for J's occasional bouts of constipation. He is truly a hands-on Dad.

Giving my son this incredible man for a father is one of the best things I could have ever given him. B is the man I hope J will be one day, too. He represents so much of what I couldn't give C. I hate that many boys grow up with out such a strong role model. My son is one lucky kid to have the dad he has.