Wednesday, May 5, 2010

OT 2010 - update

Operation Treadmill 2010 is going well, though much different than what I originally set out to do. I had/have a goal of losing 30 pounds. I am amazed at how slowly it is coming off given how much I am exercising. I've lost 13-14 pounds so far. I've been at this for lamost 19 weeks, that's less than a pound per week for crying out loud! My clothes feel much better, but I'm not in my really skinny stuff yet; I'm not even half way to my original goal even after >4 months.

My goal is changing, though. Not just the number of pounds I hope to lose, but what I am looking for all together. If I wind up losing 30 pounds, you won't hear me complaining. But neither will you if I only lose 20 or 25.

My new goal has much more to do with overall health. I've been taking vitamins every single day for almost 5 months; I've never been this consistent, ever. I'm eating better, and thinking about food differently. (I've never struggled with food, but it's taken some effort to get the portions back to a healthy size) I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to be healthy in all areas of my life, and how to manage stress better. I've opted for green tea instead of wine to unwind some (not all ;)) evenings. I've been praying more.

I feel a shift happening. Not any major overhaul; I'm not trying to revamp my whole life. I'm just being more careful about where I put my energy, and move more toward behaviors that bring me feelings of strength and peace. It's almost felt like a surrender. I've been working so hard to deal with all the changes life has brought us over the last few years (well, we've brought them on ourselves) and I've felt close to defeated at times lately. I feel like this shift is a result of me loosening my grip. It wasn't even a decision to loosen my grip, I just got to a point where I feel stripped. It feels better to bring my focus to the small things I can do for myself, and take the rest one day at a time. I feel more vulnerable and stronger all at the same time. It's weird, and I don't really understand much of it yet. I am having a hard time explaining it, but it feels good. It feels quiet, but really really good.

So, I hope the weight continues to come off, but it's not my primary focus.

I am still loving my workouts. I ran a 5K race a few weeks ago and will run an 8K race along the beach this Saturday. It's my Mother's Day gift to myself, and I so can't wait!

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