Friday, February 12, 2010

An Anniversary

12 years ago today, I spoke with Colin's parents for the first time.

I had called the agency just a week before asking for profiles. They sent me 4, and assured me that I could see many more if nothing jumped out at me. But G&D's profile did just that; it JUMPED out at me. When we would speak to waiting families in years to come, they always asked me what it was about the profile that made me love them. Honestly? It was really colorful and bright. That's it. I wish there was something more profound that I could tell Colin, but the truth is is that I was drawn to it's brightness. So, I told the agency I'd like to talk to G&D.

On Feb 12 they called me and we talked for about 15 minutes. I had a list of questions that now seem really superficial, but that's how you just start getting to know someone -- with awkward small talk. I told them I felt badly that they had to go through so much to be parents, that they had to be questioned by a teenager. They told me later that they were really impressed that I sympathized with them so early on.

There was chemistry from that first phone call, and that was that. I told the agency that I officially "chose" them, and they came to visit me 2 weeks later. We talked weekly until I delivered.

I took so much for granted. I was committed to placing and it would confuse me when they would talk in "ifs" instead of "whens". Now I know they were being respectful of my right to parent, but at the time I thought geez, why don't these people believe me? They would use adoption-sensitive language and I thought why don't they just talk normal? One time D used the word "co-parent" as in, not wanting to, and I thought who comes up with these words? obviously we're not co-parenting... he's going to be YOURS. I had a keen sense that I was holding all the cards; I'd never had that much power and it was uncomfortable. Everyone held their breath around me, including my family. From that first day I wanted to tell everyone to chill out. I'm placing this baby and that's that. (hmm, tangent much?)

12 years. Man, time flies.

1 comment:

  1. Just so you know, your comment has helped me more than any other comment I've gotten in this entire process. THANK YOU for being real with me and giving your perspective. Wow. You are amazing!